Find your wayfinders

When I look up at the stars, I feel overwhelmed with the immensity of it all. Billions of little dots, each representing a space larger than anything we can imagine. Turn your head, and you see billions more.

Endless depth.

It puts our existence into perspective. What started as a feeling of deep nihilism, has since transformed into wonder. Life is a blank canvas for us to explore! So… why would we spend it locked in a cubicle, or in a relationship we dread?

This is at odds with my belief that there's a certain amount of necessity in life—we need money, and we don't know what we don't know. We can't make the "right" choice, since we don't always know what that looks like (also, spoiler: there is no singular "right" choice).

How then do we navigate life? Moreover, how do we learn what we like, what we want or what we must avoid…?

Partner Up

There's no denying this truth: life is better when we share it with others.

This is supported by findings from a Harvard study stretching nearly 100-years, focusing on happiness & life. It points to considerable improvements across a breadth of markers when we focus on our relationships, and how much space we make for them.

Incidentally, the director of this study, Dr. Robert Waldinger, is also a Zen master who teaches meditation and is generally a good human. Here is his acclaimed TED talk.

What I love most about this is idea is how varied it can look… it doesn't need to be a spouse or partner. It means the sum of our relationships: friends & families, coworkers, & the strangers we meet along the way. This quote from Brian Portnoy is actually what inspired this little article:

So… why are there dogs on the cover photo?

My two dogs have summitted mountains with me, we've been through near-death experiences together… but more than that, they offer endless comfort & love. They are remarkably perceptive creatures.

They also show me a different way to approach life.

I am a recovering blue-collar workaholic… my value (and identity) revolved around what I could build with my hands or resolve with my work ethic & brains. Everything was value-based, and it dictated how I felt about myself and my life.

Dogs, though… they aren't crushed by the weight of societal & internal expectations (at least, as far as I'm aware…) Watching how they interact with the world, and how they find value & enjoyment teaches me a lot about my experience.

I wouldn't be where I am without this perspective.

Some more ways I've found my way:

• learning from my toddler

• seven years with my wife

• connections I've made with writers and entrepreneurs on X

• countless folks in my personal & professional lives

Every little interaction provides us with a small piece of data, if we're interested in listening to it.

Wayfinders

When I look back at those who have helped me find my way, I see a clear picture.

They are those who motivated me or inspired me. They're people who supported me when nobody else did, or those who gave freely without expecting anything in return. They're also those I was repulsed by… the grimy, insincere or those driven by malice. Sometimes, the best wayfinders are the people or experiences that show us without a shadow of a doubt what to avoid.

Many of these happen will happen organically, and require no extra effort.

Just as many (or more) require our attention & presence. It helps to put in a bit of work to cultivate the relationship, from a place of genuine curiosity. One of the hesitations I've felt is around energy—my mind says I should do it, but it just feels wrong and exhausting. This was a realization a friend helped me come to:

If someone gives you energy, that's a GREAT indicator!

If someone drains your energy, that's a GREAT indicator!

Both of these people will tell you a bit more about yourself, and help you to live your version of an aligned life.

Unfortunately, there's no playbook.

Self-help books on networking might help people, I wouldn't know… but there's a much simpler framework.

Be you. Not the manicured version you've crafted over the years, but the real you.

There is a mountain of anecdotal—and probably scientific—evidence behind the power of being YOU.

I'm taking iterative little baby steps every day to be more forgiving & more aware. To embrace vulnerability and speak my truth, whatever that looks like. To try and re-wire some of the less functional parts of myself, so I can fully love every bit of me.

I'm not doing it alone, either.

My people, my dogs, my family—these are my wayfinders, and I appreciate the heck out of them.