Less is more

We're obsessed with more, aren't we?

More money.
More power.
More influence.
More wisdom.
More courses.
More followers.
More clients.
More stuff.

Some of these can be good, and there's always a use for more $$$… but the pursuit of more is the fundamental problem. It implies that today, now, isn't enough.

If I just get to _______ milestone, then I'll be happy!

Narrator: That would, in fact, not make them happy.

How do we balance this against our mission, though? I want to leave the world a brighter place than I found it, and I can do this by making a positive impact on my immediate connections. Don't I need more clients? Aren't followers a means of expanding reach? Wouldn't money in my hands be spent better than in the hands of some soulless billionaire oligarch?

tie it back to your values

If my intention is to build followers, get clients and amass wealth so that I can build a seaside McMansion on a cliff… that joy will be short-lived. It's shallow, and not actually rooted in my values. It's part of mimetic desire adopted via social media. Others boast about it, therefore I want it.

Instead, I can design my work so that it involves me sharing my gifts with the world. I'm tapping deeply into my values. Now there's no need for a McMansion, McLaren, or Macallan 1926 (delicious though it may be).

The threshold for success (and consequently, lasting happiness) drops dramatically when we're tied to our deep values instead of the desires and dreams we added on as adults.

discern with extremes

If you held a gun to my head and told me you'd take half my wealth but I could keep my dog, or you'd take my dog and give me $5,000,000… I'd pick my dog every time.

(I reckon most dog owners would, too.)

Yeah, I know, outlandish example… but extremes help us discern between what is driven by our values (our true non-negotiables) and what are nice-to-haves.

My wife and I would love a lakeside cottage to escape to on weekends, but that is an absurd luxury. We aren't going to get bent out of shape if it doesn't happen.

do it for the right reasons

The core of many of my struggles has revolved around doing things for the wrong reasons. Whether it's mimetic desire, or I listened to the advice of a gooroo, or just simply made a mistake… it pays to be able to pause, reflect and do a pulse-check on whether this *thing* is right for me.

You aren't much different than me.

We're all just a bunch of onions.

peel back the layers

Yeah, I called you an onion.

When you were a kid, you had pure intentions. Nobody had to ask you how to be happy, or how to find meaning in life. You just did stuff.

As we get older, we wrap on layer after layer of wisdom, trauma, experience and all manner of identities and ideas. The problem is, many of these are ill-fitting. They could have been good at the time, but we age out of them. Some of them were never helpful, but we were desperate to protect ourselves.

I've had a lot of fun (note: pain, sadness and disgust, too) peeling back the layers. I do this via my writing, and conversations with those closest to me. At our core, we're all still those bright-eyed, pure children… and there's nothing stopping us from finding that spirit again.

It takes a ton of work.
You'll go through some pain.
You might need support along the way,
…but you'll learn something new.
…and you'll be stronger for it.
…you'll be whole.

The only guarantee is that you'll end up loving yourself more. You'll trust yourself more, and understand yourself better.

I can't think of a single person who wouldn't benefit from this—parent, entrepreneur, business magnate, drifter or simply just human.